Approaches
Well, that would seem to be the case, with the idiots at Game Informer talking it up so much that you can just see them trying to act like Kratos in everyday life (and failing miserably). They really should have just renamed their shit magazine something along the lines of "Kratos Informer," so that at least they'd have a reason to speculate and "inform" us as to what side the hero's nuts hang. The list of pathetic magazine and media staff goes on and on (with middle-aged men declaring Kratos an outstanding community figure and role model), but I don't have the time to devote a whole article to that dumb shit. I didn't even have the time for this article, but "the show must go on." Despite these assholes, there are a lot of dudes out there who see and play the game for what it is. They treat like a game (as opposed to gospel). One of which is my best friend, who didn't get into some ridiculous, inspirational bullshit when he told me about it.

He told me about the visceral quick-time sequences, cool weapons, and crazy moves that make the blade-swinging platformer fun. Later, I came to see that it was like Devil May Cry, but without all the forced humor aimed at numbskull media staff. I can't say for certain what parts of the game James Goddard worked on, but the battle system was surprisingly well-done, and you don't have to resort to absurd DMC tactics just to keep a combo going. You can even tack the quick-time sequences on at the end of a combo as a brutal finisher, or in the middle as a linker of sorts; DMC3's combo system should have been more like this. And all of it would not have been possible without such a balanced window for combo timing. There's also added depth in the intuitive parry system, but it's often glossed-over by jabber as boring as the puzzles.

When Opportunity Knocks
Then you got CG cutscenes that tell a tale of villainy and virtue through the prerequisite storytelling with boobs to make dudes everywhere squeeze out their feeble wad. Memorable parts include Kratos next to boobs, Kratos not lending a helping hand, and Kratos in despair. Would the game have gotten the same rave reviews and attention without them? It's no matter, though, because the in-game cutscenes are better, anyway. So much better, in fact, that they make the CG ones look average; now that's dedication! This is especially noticeable in the lusty vixens who look average in the CG, but look noticeably better (with scrumptious, big, rubbery nipples) in-game during the log-jamming bonus stage. On a side-note, the Japanese version was edited, and instead they were dressed in skimpy outfits that just tease. Every time I play the game, I can't get over how odd the nature of the edit is (considering how big the adult entertainment is in Japan). I also think about how those two chicks ask Kratos to "come back to bed." When I'm with chicks that have nipples like that, you don't see me out of the bed! What the hell was he doing out of the bed? Those monsters can wait; chicks like this can't! Get in it!

It plays as good as those nipples look, and its visuals utilize the hardware well. Much of the game looks so good that it's almost mistaken for being on stronger hardware (until snippets of blockhands remind you). There is something that plagues its visuals, though, and it's not blockhand syndrome; it's something far worse. Something so profoundly ridiculous that it mars the game's reputation of perfection. As we touched on in the 2007 Top Ten, GOW's main boss looks embarrassingly ridiculous, and portrays the mythical God of War as nothing more than sweaty biker. I've never seen one of these Greek Gods (or any God, for that matter), but chances are they don't look like your token "Easy Rider." If there is a real Aries, he's probably pissed. I was like, "sweet, there's a monster destroying stuff" when I saw it destroying Greece in the background, but my disappointment grew (when the bitch fell off). The rest of the game is fine, but they really dropped the ball with the main boss; why does he look like a dirty biker? Did they even have motorcycle gangs back then? Did they even have motorcycles? Thankfully the rest of the game was so cool, because it's not easy to make up for an embarrassing fumble like this. You could just imagine how the planning for this went:

- BAD